7 Things you really need to know about SEX!

 

Great sex is something everyone should experience.Chances are you probably don't have a sex therapist on speed dial (though if you do, rock on). But whether you're coupled up or completely single, you can learn so much from these incredibly knowledgeable professionals. Here, the seven things that sex experts are dying to tell you:

Sex Isn’t (and Shouldn't) Be Perfect
We have a tendency to believe that good partners magically get it right all the time, that good sex isn't at all awkward and your partner will magically know what to do with your body. Well, that’s false. Not only should sex be fun and playful, but it also shouldn't be censored and structured into this glamorous ideal. Plus, those really real moments are the ones that bring you closer. You may not remember the strongest orgasm you've ever had, but you'll remember the time you fell off the bed because you were so into it that you didn't realize you were on the edge. Logan Levkoff, Ph.D. sex educator.

You Can Make Your Own Passion
If you haven't figured it out by now, real sex lives aren't usually filled with the same have-to-have-you-right-this-second spice that you see in movies. We love those plotlines too, but so many women think that kind of intense passion is something they'll just stumble upon, they wish for spontaneous desire, but they don't realize they can cultivate it on their own. No one is just walking around having passion all the time. That said, you can boost the passion in your relationship by tuning into your emotions and bringing them out in your sex life. Brandy Engler, Ph.D., sex therapist & author.

Think About Your Sex Life Even When You're Single
Sex isn't just something you should think about when you're having a lot of it, says Levkoff. In fact, the best way to boost your sex life is to give it a little more thought. "We often don't think about who we are as sexual beings," says Levkoff. But pinpointing what you desire and what turns you on will help make sure you get the sex life you want. "Give yourself the freedom to really think about it and be honest—like 'What would make that part of my life good and exciting?' says Levkoff.

You Look Great Below the Belt
The next time you're self conscious about your nether regions, remember this: "All women's vulvas are a little bit different from each other and are considered beautiful and desirable by their partners," says Herbenick. "In our research, we've asked men what they like about their partner's genitals. They talk about big labia, little labia, various shades of colors, the way they smell and taste, how unique their partner's is." In short, there is no normal vagina or vulva, but they're all pretty great.

Never Be Afraid to Take Charge
If you're dying to try something new in bed, go for it. What I often see is women being embarrassed. What if he doesn't think it's sexy? What if it doesn't work?' The fear inhibits them. It's a totally understandable concern, but it may be holding you back from the best sex of your life. Start with affirmations to help you separate the act from your partner's reaction to it. "Like, 'I have a right to be seen' and 'I am sexual'. Then remind yourself that this is about expressing yourself and enjoying yourself. Finally, just go for it—suggest a new position, take the reins in bed, or tell him about your fantasy. Chances are your partner will love this enthusiasm and it'll be game on.

Painful Sex is Common—But it Doesn't Have to Be
Staying mum about pain or discomfort during sex won't do you any good. Using lubricant, starting out gently, and engaging in sex that feels exciting and arousing—rather than like a chore—can help make sex feel better.”If sex regularly feels uncomfortable or painful, ask your gynecologist or even your dermatologist to have a look. All kinds of things from pain conditions to allergies to skin disorders to low estrogen can cause painful sex. Herbenick.

The Number One Sex Tip: Be Open
When men complain about sex with their partner they don’t complain about your body. They complain about lack of openness. Interestingly, men often wonder why their partners don't want them touching their breasts or going down on them. What they really want is an open attitude and more enthusiasm during sex not porn-tastic moves.

 

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10 uses for raw Honey that will give you more gorgeous skin, hair and nails.

Raw honey (i.e honey that hasn’t been heat-treated or pasteurised) contains active phytonutrient, antioxidants and enzymes. It can help mositurise, fight aging and bacteria and has some healing properties. Here are a few ways to use honey for more than a sweetener.

1. Moisturizing Mask
Honey draws moisture from the air into the skin and ensures it's retained it in the layers where it’s needed most for penetrating, long-lasting hydration. This makes the skin look more supple and reduces the appearance of wrinkles.

Try it: Spread one teaspoon raw honey on clean, dry skin, and let sit for 15-20 minutes. Rinse with lukewarm water and pat dry.

2. Pore Cleanser
The enzymes in raw honey clarify skin and keep pores clear and clean. Plus, the antibacterial properties of honey and coconut oil also prevent bacterial buildup that can lead to skin imbalances and acne breakouts.

Try it: Stir one tablespoon raw honey with two tablespoons of coconut oil until the mixture is spreadable consistency. Apply to clean, dry skin, and massage gently in a circular motion, avoiding your eye area. Rinse with lukewarm water and pat dry.

3. Gentle Exfoliator
Honey is loaded with antioxidants, enzymes, and other nutrients that nourish, cleanse, and hydrate skin. Baking soda, meanwhile, is a gentle natural exfoliator that removes dead skin cells, allowing new cells to emerge for a radiant complexion.

Try it: Mix two tablespoons honey with one tablespoon baking soda. Splash your skin with water, then gently rub the concoction on your face or body in a circular motion. Rinse well and pat dry.

4. Scar Fader
Honey is said to lighten skin, and its anti-inflammatory and antibacterial compounds help to decrease the appearances of scars and increase healing and tissue regeneration. The hydrating properties of honey and coconut oil or olive oil will also help revive skin cells, while regular, gentle massaging will increase circulation to aid skin recovery and cell turnover.

Try it: Mix one teaspoon raw honey with one teaspoon coconut oil or olive oil. Apply to the affected area, and massage with the tips of your fingers in a circular motion for one to two minutes. Place a hot washcloth over your skin, and let sit until cool. Repeat daily.

5. Acne Treatment
Honey contains antibacterial and antifungal properties that thwart bacteria that can lead to breakouts. Its anti-inflammatory properties will calm redness and irritation. For those of us that use toothpaste, you know yourselves, stop and try honey which is better and safer for your skin.

Try it: Apply a dab of raw honey to affected areas, and sit for 10-15 minutes. Rinse with lukewarm water and pat dry.

6. Bath Soak
Honey's not just hydrating; its antioxidants will repair skin and protect it against oxidative and environmental damage.

Try it: Mix two heaping tablespoons raw honey with one cup hot water until dissolved. Add to a tub of warm water, and soak.

7. Cuticle Moisturizer
Raw honey is loaded with nutrients and enzymes to nourish and heal skin, and it's a natural humectant, meaning it draws moisture into the skin. Coconut oil conditions and protects, while the acetic acid in apple cider vinegar softens hard skin and balances pH for healthy growth.

Try it: Mix one teaspoon honey with one teaspoon apple cider vinegar and one teaspoon coconut oil. Rub over each cuticle, and let sit five to 10 minutes, then rinse.

8. Hair Conditioner
The enzymes and nutrients in raw honey give dull hair shine without weighing it down. Coconut oil penetrates the hair shaft to condition and smooth the cuticle and give your strands the luster you crave.

Try it: Mix one tablespoon raw honey with two tablespoons coconut oil. Apply thoroughly to the bottom two-thirds of damp hair, starting at the ends and working up. Let sit for 20 minutes, and rinse well.

9. Hair Highlighter
The enzyme glucose oxidase in honey slowly releases hydrogen peroxide, an ingredient known to lighten hair color.

Try it: Mix three tablespoons honey with two tablespoon water. Apply to clean, damp hair, and let sit for an hour. Rinse well. Apply weekly for best results.

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A guide to help women play their role in the marriage bed to perfection: PART THREE

A husband's message to his wife ..........At the end of one of my group discussions, one of the husbands, Adedayo, asked me to please deliver this message to the wives on behalf of their husbands. He said that many wives do not realise their husbands are very dissatisfied with the fact that they do not make as much effort to look desirable after marriage and especially after childbirth. They, the men, don’t say anything because they do not know how to bring it up without hurting their wife’s feelings and quite frankly they don’t want any ‘drama’. They want their women to stop taking the fact that they are married to God-fearing men for granted because they believe they are unlikely to stray. It’s like the women forget that their husbands are red blooded men who want a woman they can show off by their side. They want a woman who is physically fit and doesn't constantly look like she is pregnant, dresses sexy even indoors and wears sexy underwear and nightwear generally a woman who keeps making the effort and keeps their motor running and keeps turning them on. They don't want Miss World but for their wives to at least loose the excess fat and been seen to be making an effort.

Whilst I don't believe any man should compare his wife's body to that of another woman who hasn't paid the price to bear his children, I believe that sometimes we use childbearing as an excuse to let our weight spiral out of control. You might not achieve your pre-baby weight but you can get fitter and more toned than you are now. So here are some tips to help you get into better shape. Maintaining a healthy weight doesn't just boost your confidence, it also reduces your risk of developing health problems such as heart anomalies, arthritis and diabetes, Also exercising regularly releases hormones called endorphins which are natural mood enhancers.

Now if a person burns off 500 calories daily but then consumes 1000 more calories a day than they ought to, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that they will not lose any weight, in fact they will put on weight at the rate of 500 calories per day (women are recommended 2000 calories daily). The general rule is to eat like a king in the morning, a prince in the afternoon and a pauper at night time. After I had my son I was the biggest I had ever been in my life, size twelve large. I couldn’t exercise because I had pelvic girdle pain when I was pregnant and was advised not to exercise for about six months. I was scared that if I waited that long to start losing the baby weight then it would be twice as hard. So I started adjusting my diet. I would have cereal and a piece of fruit  or fruit juice for breakfast, a fairly heavy lunch of rice, pasta, spaghetti, yam or some Africa delicacy and then a very small dinner of 2 pieces of crackers and tea or custard or cereal or a large mango. I replaced my regular cooking oil with olive oil, reduced the amount of palm oil I used, cut out red meat (this was particularly hard because I am Nigerian, and we love our red meat), reduced my sugar intake, I started going for the low fat alternatives of foods, made sure I used a small plate to dish my food so I took smaller portions, I stopped going for seconds and stocked up on fruits. I have a 'cheat day' once a week though where I allow myself a very small portion of a treat like ice cream, a small piece of cake or a piece of red meat. (life is too short to completely cut out all pleasures) Little changes to your diet in addition to exercise will go a very long way to help you achieve and maintain your ideal weight.

Mythbuster: There is no such thing as eating for two when you are pregnant, that’s just an excuse to overeat. And just sitting for 2 hours after a meal doesn’t help your food go down faster; in fact it slows it down. So get active after eating to hasten digestion. I challenge you to do at least 10 squats after a heavy meal and see how you feel afterwards.  Also tying your tummy with cloth or pressing it with hot water after birth will not help you lose the belly fat. It will just leave you with a back ache, a blackened and wrinkled tummy skin and redistributed fat. The only way to lose the fat is by exercising and eating a calorie-controlled diet. 

It’s all well and good to be told exercise is good for you but then finding an exercise routine that you can actually stick with is an entirely different kettle of fish. I tried many different ways to keep fit. From gym memberships to early morning jogs with my husband. Seyi even got me some gym equipment. But the combination of children, work, housekeeping and, if I’m honest, pure laziness meant this was a real struggle and I would usually give up after a few weeks, days in some instances. I still had the desire to keep fit but I needed something that would not only fit me and my lifestyle but most importantly something that I would enjoy doing. In short I needed something I could do in the comfort of my home. I tried various exercise regimes at home and this is my take on them. (You are more likely to reach your goal if you have an exercise buddy. If you are married your husband should do quite nicely. If not married find a friend). I will take you through each fitness regime I have tried and give you my take on them.
Zumba. Pros- a fun way to exercise. It is a Columbian dance fitness program that incorporates hip-hop, reggae, samba, salsa, merengue, belly dance and calypso. You can even do it with the children. There are even Zumba classes that you could join.
Cons -You will need a games console (Wii, PlayStation or an Xbox). You can also get a dvd but to be able to do it properly the console is better because it will sense if you are actually putting in the effort unlike a dvd. Also it didn't give me the dramatic results I wanted.
Insanity. Pros- This is an exercise regime on a collection of dvds that is as the name suggest insane but very effective. It was developed by an American called Shaun T. It’s an 8 week regime that starts with a fit test to test your fitness before you start and it will definitely get you into shape and help you shed quite a bit of weight whilst sculpting your body. I got dramatic results and Seyi swapped his wardrobe for a 6 pack and very toned arms and chest (wink wink)!.
Cons - Oh my days you will ache in places that you didn't know it was possible to ache in, especially after the first two sessions, even blinking will hurt. Sitting on the toilet, lying down, walking and bending will be a challenge for at least a week until your body gets used to it. You will definitely need a buddy because it is very gruelling and you will have to be very determined to see it through because it can take over your life to an extent. Length of sessions vary between 25 to 55minutes.
Hip Hop abs. Pros- I started this after we completed insanity and needed something to maintain our fitness. This one is an 8 or 10 week course (can't remember which). It’s not as intense as insanity so you can complete it without a buddy. It involves mainly dancing with body shaping moves. This is also on a collection of dvds.
Cons - Wanted to keep working out with Seyi but he found the hip hop abs too girly so he didn't join in and OYO (on your own) was my case as my friend Motunde says. Also you need some coordination which some people might find challenging.
T25. Pros- This is my favourite. It’s a 10 week program and each session lasts only for 25minutes a day. It’s like insanity but condensed into 25 minutes. You can definitely do it with your husband.  

Cons- Haven't found one yet. Will keep you posted.

There are those that still prefer to go to the gym and that's great. If you are single you could actually find 'the one ' at the gym like my brother did, if married take your husband along. Whatever way you choose to go just keep keeping fit.

Look out for part four next week: FGM a.k.a Female circumcision.

© June's Secrets 2015

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8 Things Most Woman Have Thought During Sex! Has your mind gone there, too.

 

1."Wow, he really knows what he's doing—I wonder who taught him that?" Hey, you can't help but get a little curious when a guy is really amazing with his hands, mouth, or hips.

2."Is this dude seriously not going to return the favor?" Yeah pleasing your husband is great but if we’re honest its not always an entirely selfless move. You know the saying, “it’s better to give than to receive” Yeah don’t think they were talking about blowjobs.

 3."Wait—was that my phone?" Text, facebook, twitter, linkedIn, email,freetone, viber, Skype, bbm or whatsapp? Wonder who it is, wonder if it’s urgent. I am dying to know! WHY ON EARTH AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW, FOCUS?

4."OK, that's definitely a move he saw in porn." We're all about experimenting and trying new positions, but there are certain requests or contortions that are so obviously coming from a clip he watched earlier.

5."No, no, no don't finish yet!" It's just a cruel joke that men are generally able to orgasm more quickly than women. Even with a warm-up, we may not hit the finish line before they do. And why is it always right when you're getting into an omg-this-feels-amazing groove that the guy is right there. Oh well, there's always round two.

6."Are you there yet? No? actually now this is taking a while and I have stuff to do. " There's also the flipside to timing issues, when you're totally satisfied and your partner is the one holding up the show. We know we should be patient—just like we'd want them to be, I find this usually occurs when round two starts a few minutes after round one.

7. How are you asleep already?!" It never ceases to amaze me the way he tends to slowly drift off to sleep straight after. How is this even possible? I'm not even mad—I'm impressed.

8. "I really hope the kids don't suspect what we are up to." You know when you and your hubby decide to live dangerously and have a quickie in the bathroom whilst the kids are watching TV in the next room? And then one of them comes  and knocks on the door wanting to use the bathroom......

Can you add any more???????

© June's Secrets 2015

 

 

 

 

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A guide to help women play their role in the marriage bed to perfection: PART ONE

I decided to start this series because I believe that being a God-fearing, spirit-filled, tongue-speaking Christian and having a passionate fulfilling sexual marriage do not have to be two concepts that are mutually exclusive. Why is it that hot, passionate, exciting and steamy are not words that are used to describe sex in marriage, especially Christian marriages? Why do we, women, view sex as one of our chores and something to be endured to keep our husbands from straying? Is there an unspoken rule that women are not allowed to enjoy sex or even if they do to keep it hidden?

For many years I struggled with my own sexuality because, like many women, I was made to believe that the purpose of sex was to make babies. From a young age I was programmed to shy away from sex and think of it as the dirty big bad wolf whose only purpose is to make babies and please the male species. I am all in favour of no sex before marriage and understand why our parents sold it to us the way they did but we should have been taught that sex is a beautiful gift from God for both the man and woman to enjoy only in the covenant relationship of marriage. We should have been told that procreation is only one of the many purposes of sex. We should have been told that it also acts as a glue to bind two people on a spiritual level and that it lowers the barriers to communication.

When I got married I didn’t know the true purpose of sex or that it was quite alright for me to enjoy it and show my husband, Seyi, that I did. I still saw it as something purely for my husband’s enjoyment. I also used to think, after each time Seyi had sex, “that should keep him off my back for a few days”. I treated it like a chore and did it out of obligation. I didn’t enjoy it and would spend most of the session thinking “are you done yet?”


After a very rough patch in our marriage I decided that I was going to enjoy every single part of my life. So instead of looking at Seyi and thinking there was something wrong with him, because, in my mind I thought it was abnormal for someone to want so much sex? ( he wanted it at least once a day most times twice, once to say good morning and another to say good night), I adopted the attitude of if you can’t beat them, join them. So instead of suppressing my sexual side that always wanted to tell Seyi where and how I wanted, needed to be touched in bed, that part of me that wanted to go and whisper in his ear when he’s with his friends that I desired him and couldn’t wait for us to be alone, I would just embrace her. I decided that I was going to match his enthusiasm where sex is concerned.

This decision changed everything. I became a very different person and my marriage became unrecognisable. I had a total makeover both physically and psychologically and I became more confident and very aware of the power of my sexuality. I felt great on the inside and that translated to the outside.

I felt I had finally become the person God intended me to be. A person who is living her life to the full with no apologies or regrets.

However although I wanted to match my husband’s sexual enthusiasm, I didn’t know how to. I had repressed my sexuality for so long that I didn’t know how to embrace it. So after a marriage seminar where a preacher suggested that perhaps we married Christian women have something to learn from the adulteress. She suggested that we discover why she is able to lure men and keep them coming back for more? Why is it that when she enters a room all the men (even spirit-filled and tongue speaking men) turn, look at her and admire her and the women, even though they hide it well, are filled with envy because they secretly want to be able to command that kind of attention every time they enter a room especially from her husband. It certainly is not because of her excellent cooking skills, impeccable etiquette or brains. It is because she is confident and comfortable with who she is, she knows the power of her sexuality and makes no apologies for using it. She works at keeping herself attractive and desirable. She knows how to please her men so they keep coming back.

So I took my newly liberated sexuality to the church bookstore for tips on how to keep my sex life exciting, or more specifically the secrets of the adulteress. There were lots of books about being a virtuous woman and what a woman’s role is in marriage. They all advised to keep your sex life exciting and having regular date nights but they do not really talk about the sex part in great detail. So I had to look elsewhere outside the church, mostly online. This got me thinking about how many other women in the church were in the same boat as I was, married and looking to improve their sex life but have to look in 'worldly' places for tools to help them. Sex is God's gift to couples and is such a crucial part of marriage yet many Christians shy away from discussing it. We act like it’s something to be ashamed of, a taboo to never be spoken of. So most women suffer in silence enduring sex in their marriage instead of enjoying it and then passing that legacy on to their daughters.

We should have a passion for passion in marriage. We should be helping each other celebrate, embrace and understand our sexuality as women so that we can enlighten our daughters and daughters-in-law to help them build strong and healthy marriages. I hope to help you put the passion and sparkle back into your marriage bed through my series.

In the parts to follow we will be discussing some body image issues, discovering where the G spot is and discussing some sexual techniques that are sure to give your sex life a jolt. No more wham, bam, thank you ma’am passionless sex.
I expect you to renew your mind and not just read about revolutionising your sex life but to do it as well.



Look out for part two next week

© June's Secrets 2015

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