Great sex is something everyone should experience.Chances are you probably don't have a sex therapist
on speed dial (though if you do, rock on). But whether you're coupled up or
completely single, you can learn so much from these incredibly knowledgeable
professionals. Here, the seven things that sex experts are dying
to tell you:
Sex Isn’t (and Shouldn't) Be PerfectWe have a tendency to believe that good partners magically get it right all the time, that good sex isn't at all awkward and your partner will magically know what to do with your body. Well, that’s false. Not only should sex be fun and playful, but it also shouldn't be censored and structured into this glamorous ideal. Plus, those really real moments are the ones that bring you closer. You may not remember the strongest orgasm you've ever had, but you'll remember the time you fell off the bed because you were so into it that you didn't realize you were on the edge. Logan Levkoff, Ph.D. sex educator.
You Can Make Your Own Passion
If you haven't figured it out by now, real sex lives aren't usually filled with the same have-to-have-you-right-this-second spice that you see in movies. We love those plotlines too, but so many women think that kind of intense passion is something they'll just stumble upon, they wish for spontaneous desire, but they don't realize they can cultivate it on their own. No one is just walking around having passion all the time. That said, you can boost the passion in your relationship by tuning into your emotions and bringing them out in your sex life. Brandy Engler, Ph.D., sex therapist & author.
Think About Your Sex Life Even When You're Single
Sex isn't just something you should think about when you're having a lot of it, says Levkoff. In fact, the best way to boost your sex life is to give it a little more thought. "We often don't think about who we are as sexual beings," says Levkoff. But pinpointing what you desire and what turns you on will help make sure you get the sex life you want. "Give yourself the freedom to really think about it and be honest—like 'What would make that part of my life good and exciting?' says Levkoff.
You Look Great Below the BeltSex isn't just something you should think about when you're having a lot of it, says Levkoff. In fact, the best way to boost your sex life is to give it a little more thought. "We often don't think about who we are as sexual beings," says Levkoff. But pinpointing what you desire and what turns you on will help make sure you get the sex life you want. "Give yourself the freedom to really think about it and be honest—like 'What would make that part of my life good and exciting?' says Levkoff.
The next time you're self conscious about your nether regions, remember this: "All women's vulvas are a little bit different from each other and are considered beautiful and desirable by their partners," says Herbenick. "In our research, we've asked men what they like about their partner's genitals. They talk about big labia, little labia, various shades of colors, the way they smell and taste, how unique their partner's is." In short, there is no normal vagina or vulva, but they're all pretty great.
Never Be Afraid to Take Charge
If you're dying to try something new in bed, go for it. What I often see is women being embarrassed. What if he doesn't think it's sexy? What if it doesn't work?' The fear inhibits them. It's a totally understandable concern, but it may be holding you back from the best sex of your life. Start with affirmations to help you separate the act from your partner's reaction to it. "Like, 'I have a right to be seen' and 'I am sexual'. Then remind yourself that this is about expressing yourself and enjoying yourself. Finally, just go for it—suggest a new position, take the reins in bed, or tell him about your fantasy. Chances are your partner will love this enthusiasm and it'll be game on.
Painful Sex is Common—But it Doesn't Have to BeIf you're dying to try something new in bed, go for it. What I often see is women being embarrassed. What if he doesn't think it's sexy? What if it doesn't work?' The fear inhibits them. It's a totally understandable concern, but it may be holding you back from the best sex of your life. Start with affirmations to help you separate the act from your partner's reaction to it. "Like, 'I have a right to be seen' and 'I am sexual'. Then remind yourself that this is about expressing yourself and enjoying yourself. Finally, just go for it—suggest a new position, take the reins in bed, or tell him about your fantasy. Chances are your partner will love this enthusiasm and it'll be game on.
Staying mum about pain or discomfort during sex won't do you any good. Using lubricant, starting out gently, and engaging in sex that feels exciting and arousing—rather than like a chore—can help make sex feel better.”If sex regularly feels uncomfortable or painful, ask your gynecologist or even your dermatologist to have a look. All kinds of things from pain conditions to allergies to skin disorders to low estrogen can cause painful sex. Herbenick.
The Number One Sex Tip: Be Open
When men complain about sex with their partner they don’t complain about your body. They complain about lack of openness. Interestingly, men often wonder why their partners don't want them touching their breasts or going down on them. What they really want is an open attitude and more enthusiasm during sex not porn-tastic moves.
When men complain about sex with their partner they don’t complain about your body. They complain about lack of openness. Interestingly, men often wonder why their partners don't want them touching their breasts or going down on them. What they really want is an open attitude and more enthusiasm during sex not porn-tastic moves.
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