Your relationship status does not define you ........

For all my awesome peeps out there single, married, "its complicated" and in-between  

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Understanding Women ... 5 deadly terms used by women.

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Did you know that .....

A one minute kiss burns 26 calories. (another good reason to kiss your boo!!!)

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MEN BE LIKE ........

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10 Things Guys Actually Want In A Wife.

1.    Someone who has drive and ambition and doesn’t just sit around posting selfies after selfies tagged #grateful or #weekendmode

2.    Someone who supports him even when he has crazy ideas like quitting his job and using a huge chunk of the family savings to start a business.

3.    Someone he can be vulnerable with and trust with all his secrets, dreams and desires and also his fears.

4.    Someone who loves to spend time with him but is independent enough to go out on their own once in a while.

5.    Someone he can have mind-blowing sex with.

6.    Someone who accepts that he’s a work-in progress.

7.    Someone who will not give up easily on them because, like him, they believe that their relationship is for keeps.

8.    Someone who keeps surprising him (in a good way) by growing as a person and gaining new experiences.

9.    Someone who speaks their mind and is not just a yes man or yes woman rather.

10.Someone who loves him as he is, doesn’t try to change him and lets him be himself whilst helping him be the best version of himself possible.

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Guys This is The Secret To Turning An Arguement Into Sex.

Don't try to explain yourself and for heavens sake don't tell her to calm down just apologise and see how an argument will turn to sex.

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When You Find That Special Someone ....

When you find someone who lets you be you hold on to them tight and never let them go.

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Rules For Marriage : Part Two

11. Always give each other a hug and a kiss before leaving the house.

12.Never keep secrets from each other.

13.When your other half speaks listen with your heart as well as your ears.

14.  Appreciate and keep replaying the good times, forgive and constantly choose to forget the bad ones.

15.Never say “Fine” or “it’s all my fault” if you really don’t mean it.

16.  Always sleep in the same bed every night even after an arguement.

17. Avoid talking about mistakes of the past.

18. Set out ‘us’ time every week.

19. Be sacrificial by going out of your way to do things for each other such as a husband watching a chick flick and a wife, who isn’t into football, watching football enthusiastically.

20.Read a few books about marriage together.

Copyright June's Secrets 2015

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Rules For Marriage: Part One

1. Never both be angry at the same time

2.Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire

3.If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your spouse

4.  If you have to criticise, do it lovingly and in private

5.No negative throwbacks. Never bring up mistakes of the past.

6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other

7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled

8. Pay your spouse a compliment at least once a day

9. When you have done something wrong, admit it and apologise

10.It takes two to make a quarrel successful and the one in the wrong is usually the one who does the most talking.

 Copyright June's Secrets 2015

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Marriage: Its TeamWork Not Competitive Sport

Competitive Mindset ·       She/He needs to say I’m sorry before I’ll speak to her/him again. ·       I’m going to teach him a lesson, he’s definitely not “getting any” for a week.      I am right, I’m always right and he/she has to come round to my way of thinking even if I have to make ram it down her/his throat. ·       It’s my way or the highway ·       I am a better parent than she/he is. ·       I should have listened to my mother, she told me not to marry her/him. ·       This is outside our budget and a bit over the top but I’m going to buy it anyway and I don’t need to check in with her/him first after all it’s my money.    ·       I really don't like his/her family, I can’t stand them and I will not make any effort to get on with them.

Team Mindset ·       We need to talk and resolve the issue so we don’t go to bed angry. ·       I am not going to make him/her pay a price for not agreeing with me. Withholding sex is manipulative. ·       We don’t see this the same way so we will just agree to disagree.     I am willing to compromise and meet him/her halfway       We need to talk about our vision for our children so that we are on the same page when parenting them. Being critical of each other is bad for our home.     My marriage is blessed and I am with the person I am supposed to be with. He/she’s not perfect but neither am I. ·       I will just run this by him/her before I spend this amount of money to make sure its ok with them because regardless of who earns what its OUR money and I value his/her opinion. ·       His/ her family is part of who he/she is and I might not get on with them but I will at least make an effort for his/her sake.

 Copyright June's Secrets 2015

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How Jealous Are You?

Apparently there is a healthy jealousy. Even God said He’s jealous. So Seyi and I came across this test and thought it would be good to take it just for a laugh. The results were interesting and food for thought. Apparently we are not jealous enough in our relation. Not sure if that means we trust each other implicitly or that we cannot be bothered to care about what the other person is up to. I have always known that Seyi is not the sort to check my phone or police me about not because he doesn't care but because he truly believes he's all that plus a bag of chips and a free soda. To some people that might seem arrogant but if you knew him you would know that it’s not arrogance but simplicity. Seyi is very much a "life is either black or white" there's no grey area. So in his mind he's tall, dark and very easy on the eye, he loves me sacrificially and our sex life is, as my brother would say, on point. So I've got the complete package therefore there's no need to go looking elsewhere.

For me I’m not sure why I’m not jealous. Perhaps I need to have a deep conversation with myself about it. Have I become complicit or am I taking my husband for granted or have I become too lazy or distracted to care or pay attention? Hmmmm

Take the test for yourself and see if your jealousy is in check.

1.      I call my significant other unexpectedly just to see if he or she is there.
(a) All the time
(b) Occasionally
(c) Never  

2.      I say something nasty about another person if my significant other shows an interest in that person.
(a) All the time
(b) Occasionally
(c) Never

3.      I question my significant other about his or her whereabouts.
(a) All the time
(b) Occasionally
(c) Never 

4.      I pay my significant other a surprise visit just to see whom he or she is with.
(a) All the time
(b) Occasionally
(c) Never

5.      I question my significant other about his or her telephone calls.
(a) All the time
(b) Occasionally
(c) Never 

6.      I suspect that my significant other may be physically intimate with another person behind my back.
(a) All the time
(b) Occasionally
(c) Never 

7.      I think that my significant other is secretly developing an intimate relationship with someone else.
(a) All the time
(b) Occasionally
(c) Never 

8.      I look through my significant other's drawers, handbag, or pockets.
(a) All the time
(b) Occasionally
(c) Never

9.      Sometimes, I allow jealousy to become significant in my relationships.
(a) All the time
(b) Occasionally
(c) Never 

10.  I get very angry when someone flirts with my girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse.
(a) All the time
(b) Occasionally
(c) Never

Scoring: Count all your A answers as 2 and B answers as 1. Add all the items for a total score in a range from 0 to 20, and compare it to the following interpretation:

12 - 20: Likely your jealousy is interfering with your quality of life.
8 - 11: Your jealousy has a significant force in your life that you need to learn to manage.
4 - 7: Your jealousy is likely well managed, and you can thrive in your quality of life.
0 - 3: You have little jealously that would cause problems in relationships.

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Secret rendezvous with pleasure. A guide to help women play their role in the marriage bed to perfection: FINAL CHAPTER!!!!

‘All women should be their husband’s mistress as well as their wife.’ Patty Macee

Challenge; Remind your husband that you are also his lover not just wife, mother of his children, nurse, friend and confidant.

Tools needed

One hotel room, a sexually confident wife, a husband who loves her, non-alcoholic wine (so you don’t wake up with a heavy head and can still drive home in the morning), sexy lingerie, short sexy dressing belted gown or kimono that matches the lingerie, babysitter for the children if you’ve got children and an overnight bag.

Setting the scene

Pack an overnight bag for you and your husband. Then rent a hotel room for a night. Friday night is usually ideal because most people are free Saturday morning. Send your husband an invitation like you did for the striptease-lap dance. Before he knocks on the door put on your sexy lingerie and have some non-alcoholic wine in a glass ready for him.

The performance

When he arrives as you open the door greet him looking divine and with a glass of wine in your hand for him, kiss him intimately as I described in one of my previous posts. (http://junesecrets.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/a-guide-to-help-women-play-their-role.html).  Invite him to sit on the bed and start a conversation about how his day went. Maintain eye contact as you talk taking off his shoes and massaging his feet slowly and gently as you do so. Keep an eye on his glass and ask if he wants a refill when he starts to run low. Undo his tie and shirt button and then go behind him and rub his shoulders massaging them gently. Keep the conversation going and keep your dressing gown/kimono on. When you feel he is relaxed start kissing him all over, starting from his neck and working your way down. When you get his motor running come round and stand in front of him and slowly remove the dressing gown/kimono revealing your sexy ensemble and then ask him what he would like you to do next, he’s calling all the shots tonight. If he’s anything like my husband he might say he would like to eat so prepare for this.

The bedroom is probably the only place that your husband doesn’t mind you being in the driving seat. You might think he enjoys wham bam thank you ma’am sex because he climaxes but he would much rather prefer a willing participant who desires him and melts at his touch, not one who does it out of obligation or just to get him of her back.

I hope following these exercises have given you a glimpse of how exciting your sex life can be and how much of an impact your sexual confidence has on your marriage and your personality. This is the last in the series of “A guide to helping women play their role in the marriage bed to perfection”. Remember your husband wants you to be a lamb in the kitchen but a tiger in the bedroom. Embrace your sexuality and see your marriage transform.
Copyright June's Secrets 2015

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Marriage: In Tough Times Remember Why You Fell In Love With Him BUT What If You Weren't In Love With Him When You Got Married, What Do You Do Then?????

Was recently speaking to a friend who's having problems in her marriage, and we got talking about true love and knowing the ONE and all that. They always say, when you are having problems, remember the reasons why you fell in love with him and married him. That's fine but what if you were not in love with him when you married him.
I certainly wasn't in love with my husband when we married and I know he wasn't in love with me either. There was no love at first sight, butterflies in the stomach or fireworks going off at our first kiss. In fact if I'm honest I couldn't stand him because I thought he was too tall, loud and came from another planet whose inhabitants had now become extinct because he was do different to me in his mind-set. So why did we get married? I hear you ask. Simple, we were in love with the idea of marriage. I guess we were also fond of each other to a certain extent but still it was a disaster waiting to happen.

To him marriage was a display of maturity and meant he could have sex whenever he wanted to. Mine was a little more complicated. My mother had already chosen someone else, that I didn't like or know, for me to marry and was against me marrying my husband. So for me getting married was a kind of a rebellion to show everyone that I had grown up and could make my own choices. I didn't really think too much about the person I was marrying, he was just the person I was dating at the time. He represented liberation from my mum and cutting of apron strings, and I could have sex "legally", in the spiritual sense. 
The first few years of marriage, when I say first few I mean 7 years was a freaking nightmare. You name it, we went through it but thank God we came out on the other side crazy in love with each other and happier than we ever imagined possible. He is the love of my life and I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone else. Well enough gushing and back to the discussion.

My friend, like me wasn't in love with her husband when they married but she hoped the love would grow and develop but no such luck and she is now feeling so discouraged. I guess it’s a gamble to go into marriage without loving the person. She believes that perhaps things would be different now if she had waited to have fallen in love with him before marriage or married someone she was in love with.
I often wonder if Seyi and I would have such a happy marriage now if we were head over heels in love with each other when we got married because I believe the challenges we have faced in our marriage helped our feelings for each other develop and could have only grown through those issues.
Whilst I wouldn't change anything about my experiences and 
marriage, I often wonder how things would have turned out if I had 
had the fairy tale beginning.
My conclusion is marriage is challenging however you start and it changes you.  On the wedding day the bride is happy and can't stop smiling and even for a year maybe 18months tops is on cloud 9 and then she gets what I call THE LOOK. That look that says why didn't anyone tell me this is how marriage is? Observe it for yourself. It's not a sad or surprised look, it's more a stern serious look. At this point I usually say, “You are very welcome to the club". 
So in the tough times look to the future and remember how you want to end not to the past remembering how you started because the end should always be greater than the beginning.

Copyright June's Secrets 2015

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A guide to help women play their role in the marriage bed to perfection: PART SIX- True Love's Kiss

“A kiss connects two souls together for a moment in time.” Patty Macee

Challenge: Tell him you want him without words

Tools needed:

One husband and a sexually confident wife who loves him.

The rules

There are no rules just to let yourself go.

 When was the last time you kissed your husband, I mean really kissed him passionately, sensually? When was the last time you told him you wanted him with just a kiss? Some women lose their appetite for such kisses because they don’t like the way their husbands do it. However instead of throwing it out completely why not try telling him, tactfully, how you like to be kissed. For instance instead of saying “I hate the way you kiss me” try saying “I love it when you kiss me, slowly or without groping me or gently etc.” The point is if you don’t tell him, how will he know what you like? A good sensual kiss should last at least ten to fifteen seconds. You and your husband should kiss often throughout the day and at least one or two of those kisses should be sensual.

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Little big bits ladies tend to forget when they've got the man. (A guide to help women play their role in the marriage bed to perfection: PART FIVE)

When you were dating you put your best foot forward. Made every effort to look your best. Remember all the preparations you made for your wedding night, how you shaved your armpits, pruned your pubic hair and were generally at your best. Now that you are married you somehow think he’s not worth the effort anymore, because that is what is implied when you stop making the effort. You need to keep the fire burning and putting your best foot forward so that you make every night your wedding night and also show him that he is worth the effort. 

If you have bad breath your partner is less likely to want to kiss you or come near you and the fact that you just woke up is not an excuse. You should brush your teeth twice daily and use a mouthwash. I find using a mouthwash at night after brushing gets rid of that embarrassing bad smelling early morning breath. Also it is a good idea to have a pack of sugar free gum handy all the time for after meals and snacks. I recommend Wrigley's extra or Orbit gum.

Get a pedicure and a manicure. Dirty toes and fingernails will not float your boat so don’t expect it to float his. You can go to a professional or get a manicure/pedicure set and a foot tub of warm water and go DIY.
There are some men out there that like their women hairy. And if your husband is one of them he is perfectly normal and obliging him will show him that pleasing him is important to you. For the rest of us, if you are thinking of shaving your pubic hair so that it’s completely hairless, you might want to consider that whilst it looks great, as the hair starts to grow back a very itchy rash usually accompanies it. I recommend a really close trim with a pair of small scissors. It will still look great. For the braver ones among us I recommend waxing, you can go Hollywood, which is everything off or Brazilian, which is most off. It leaves the area clean shaven for longer and when the hairs do grow back they will be finer. I must warn you though the first time will hurt, especially if you have you been shaving with a blade or shaving cream. But subsequent waxes will be more comfortable. 
Still on curbing the excess hair. You are not alone if you have a moustache, a light beard or chest hair. This is a very common phenomenon for women and not to be ashamed of but a visible moustache, beard and chest hair are not very lady-like. He doesn’t want to feel like he is with another man when he is kissing or touching you. The main thing is that you manage them. There are several ways you can do this; you can wax the hair off, pick them out with tweezers if there are just a few,, thread them or use an epilator.  I don't advise using shaving blades because the hair will grow back quite coarse, with the other methods the hair grows back finer so even when you haven't had time to get rid of the hair they don't look unsightly. Also for goodness sake SHAVE YOUR PITS AND LEGS, well that is unless you man likes them hairy, then in which case carry on as you were.

Finally please decorate the Christmas tree. Wearing a bit of foundation, mascara or lipstick to enhance your assets is not a sin neither is fixing your hair so it’s nice and stylish. It shows your man you care enough about you and him to look your best all time. Having said that, wearing too much makeup suggests vanity and that you have too much time on your hands. When it comes to makeup I think less is more. I am totally against wearing so much makeup that you look like a different person, I agree with my brother when he says that the devil's handwork. Bottom-line, if you feel you need a lot of makeup then you think your are naturally butt ugly.

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10 Things No one ever tells you about marriage

One of my friends got married a while back and she used to put up all these lovely posts on Facebook about how much she loved her husband and how lucky and happy she is. I said to my husband you watch in 12 months, 18 months tops the post will change and they did. She still said how much she loved him but now only on birthdays now and anniversary, her posts were now all about her child and how she was strong woman.

 I have a theory and it’s this: when you see a newly married couple the wife has this sparkle in her eyes and smiles from ear to ear all the time and then after sometime between 12 and 18 months, she develops what I call “the look”. That look that says didn’t know marriage was like this, it’s not a walk in the park like I thought, and it’s actually lot of work. At that point I say under my breath “you are most welcome to the club now you can seat with the grownups.” No matter how much marriage counselling you get or how long you watched someone else’s marriage there are things no one tells you and you only discover once you have said “I do”. These are a few things no one tells you:

1.      If he was a frog when you married him he will not suddenly transform into a prince on the wedding night. He will still be a frog and it will take work to turn him into the prince charming you want him to be. And I mean a lot of work. Most women think things change and everything that was wrong with the relationship suddenly changes because they have now taken their vows. Wrong, the only thing that changes after the wedding is the woman’s surname and where she now lives.

2.      His wedding band will make him more appealing to other women.

3.      Men are visual, it’s their nature. Just because he looks doesn’t mean he has any sexual motive.  If I am walking down the street with my husband and a beautiful girl is walking towards us or passes us and my husband doesn’t look then I will think he is up to no good.

4.      When you marry him you marry his family, including his crazy, smelly, annoying aunty that looks like chupa chups sweet because she is bleaching her skin.

5.      You will have to have his written permission to take the children outside the country.

6.      The way to his heart is not his stomach it’s through respect and sex (we are coming to sex next). The most important thing to a woman is security and she needs to know that the man, to his own hurt will meet her needs. The most important thing to a man is respect and he needs to know and feel respected by his wife. So when a man is talking to a woman he needs to speak security and when a woman is speaking she needs to speak respect. You can say anything to each other and get results if you follow these two rules.

7.      He is going to want sex all the time and sometimes it might make you wonder whether you have married a pervert, because it cannot be normal for someone to want that much sex. I assure you its normal and he is not a pervert.

8.      You will have to keep working on every part of your marriage till death do you part. You have to particularly work to keep your sex life interesting, by keeping fit and being adventurous in bed. You will also have to keep dating exactly like you did before you got married. That means you have get a new outfit, get your hair and nails done, brush your teeth and put your best foot forward.

9.      You cannot change him so stop trying. He will have habits that infuriate and really get under your skin and no matter how many times you tell him he will keep doing it because most times he can’t help it. You can however change how you respond to what he does, you will live longer and happier, trust me.

10.  Guys eat, poo and fart a lot. You can get irritated you can get a very strong toilet freshener that gets rid of the smell. You might have the same meals but they seem to process them differently.

Please add yours below.

© June's Secrets 2015

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