A guide to help women play their role in the marriage bed to perfection: PART THREE

A husband's message to his wife ..........At the end of one of my group discussions, one of the husbands, Adedayo, asked me to please deliver this message to the wives on behalf of their husbands. He said that many wives do not realise their husbands are very dissatisfied with the fact that they do not make as much effort to look desirable after marriage and especially after childbirth. They, the men, don’t say anything because they do not know how to bring it up without hurting their wife’s feelings and quite frankly they don’t want any ‘drama’. They want their women to stop taking the fact that they are married to God-fearing men for granted because they believe they are unlikely to stray. It’s like the women forget that their husbands are red blooded men who want a woman they can show off by their side. They want a woman who is physically fit and doesn't constantly look like she is pregnant, dresses sexy even indoors and wears sexy underwear and nightwear generally a woman who keeps making the effort and keeps their motor running and keeps turning them on. They don't want Miss World but for their wives to at least loose the excess fat and been seen to be making an effort.

Whilst I don't believe any man should compare his wife's body to that of another woman who hasn't paid the price to bear his children, I believe that sometimes we use childbearing as an excuse to let our weight spiral out of control. You might not achieve your pre-baby weight but you can get fitter and more toned than you are now. So here are some tips to help you get into better shape. Maintaining a healthy weight doesn't just boost your confidence, it also reduces your risk of developing health problems such as heart anomalies, arthritis and diabetes, Also exercising regularly releases hormones called endorphins which are natural mood enhancers.

Now if a person burns off 500 calories daily but then consumes 1000 more calories a day than they ought to, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that they will not lose any weight, in fact they will put on weight at the rate of 500 calories per day (women are recommended 2000 calories daily). The general rule is to eat like a king in the morning, a prince in the afternoon and a pauper at night time. After I had my son I was the biggest I had ever been in my life, size twelve large. I couldn’t exercise because I had pelvic girdle pain when I was pregnant and was advised not to exercise for about six months. I was scared that if I waited that long to start losing the baby weight then it would be twice as hard. So I started adjusting my diet. I would have cereal and a piece of fruit  or fruit juice for breakfast, a fairly heavy lunch of rice, pasta, spaghetti, yam or some Africa delicacy and then a very small dinner of 2 pieces of crackers and tea or custard or cereal or a large mango. I replaced my regular cooking oil with olive oil, reduced the amount of palm oil I used, cut out red meat (this was particularly hard because I am Nigerian, and we love our red meat), reduced my sugar intake, I started going for the low fat alternatives of foods, made sure I used a small plate to dish my food so I took smaller portions, I stopped going for seconds and stocked up on fruits. I have a 'cheat day' once a week though where I allow myself a very small portion of a treat like ice cream, a small piece of cake or a piece of red meat. (life is too short to completely cut out all pleasures) Little changes to your diet in addition to exercise will go a very long way to help you achieve and maintain your ideal weight.

Mythbuster: There is no such thing as eating for two when you are pregnant, that’s just an excuse to overeat. And just sitting for 2 hours after a meal doesn’t help your food go down faster; in fact it slows it down. So get active after eating to hasten digestion. I challenge you to do at least 10 squats after a heavy meal and see how you feel afterwards.  Also tying your tummy with cloth or pressing it with hot water after birth will not help you lose the belly fat. It will just leave you with a back ache, a blackened and wrinkled tummy skin and redistributed fat. The only way to lose the fat is by exercising and eating a calorie-controlled diet. 

It’s all well and good to be told exercise is good for you but then finding an exercise routine that you can actually stick with is an entirely different kettle of fish. I tried many different ways to keep fit. From gym memberships to early morning jogs with my husband. Seyi even got me some gym equipment. But the combination of children, work, housekeeping and, if I’m honest, pure laziness meant this was a real struggle and I would usually give up after a few weeks, days in some instances. I still had the desire to keep fit but I needed something that would not only fit me and my lifestyle but most importantly something that I would enjoy doing. In short I needed something I could do in the comfort of my home. I tried various exercise regimes at home and this is my take on them. (You are more likely to reach your goal if you have an exercise buddy. If you are married your husband should do quite nicely. If not married find a friend). I will take you through each fitness regime I have tried and give you my take on them.
Zumba. Pros- a fun way to exercise. It is a Columbian dance fitness program that incorporates hip-hop, reggae, samba, salsa, merengue, belly dance and calypso. You can even do it with the children. There are even Zumba classes that you could join.
Cons -You will need a games console (Wii, PlayStation or an Xbox). You can also get a dvd but to be able to do it properly the console is better because it will sense if you are actually putting in the effort unlike a dvd. Also it didn't give me the dramatic results I wanted.
Insanity. Pros- This is an exercise regime on a collection of dvds that is as the name suggest insane but very effective. It was developed by an American called Shaun T. It’s an 8 week regime that starts with a fit test to test your fitness before you start and it will definitely get you into shape and help you shed quite a bit of weight whilst sculpting your body. I got dramatic results and Seyi swapped his wardrobe for a 6 pack and very toned arms and chest (wink wink)!.
Cons - Oh my days you will ache in places that you didn't know it was possible to ache in, especially after the first two sessions, even blinking will hurt. Sitting on the toilet, lying down, walking and bending will be a challenge for at least a week until your body gets used to it. You will definitely need a buddy because it is very gruelling and you will have to be very determined to see it through because it can take over your life to an extent. Length of sessions vary between 25 to 55minutes.
Hip Hop abs. Pros- I started this after we completed insanity and needed something to maintain our fitness. This one is an 8 or 10 week course (can't remember which). It’s not as intense as insanity so you can complete it without a buddy. It involves mainly dancing with body shaping moves. This is also on a collection of dvds.
Cons - Wanted to keep working out with Seyi but he found the hip hop abs too girly so he didn't join in and OYO (on your own) was my case as my friend Motunde says. Also you need some coordination which some people might find challenging.
T25. Pros- This is my favourite. It’s a 10 week program and each session lasts only for 25minutes a day. It’s like insanity but condensed into 25 minutes. You can definitely do it with your husband.  

Cons- Haven't found one yet. Will keep you posted.

There are those that still prefer to go to the gym and that's great. If you are single you could actually find 'the one ' at the gym like my brother did, if married take your husband along. Whatever way you choose to go just keep keeping fit.

Look out for part four next week: FGM a.k.a Female circumcision.

© June's Secrets 2015