FIFTY SHADES OF DILEMMA FOR AN AFRICAN WIFE

DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE ......

Fifty shades of grey, to see or not to see, to read or not to read. Most Christian women will say not. Everyone is cursing it out, my pastor calls it fifty shades of nonsense yet it’s one of the most successful films ever released, on track to make $90 million. Why is that?? Because sex, like food is a huge part of everyone's lives one way or the other whether you are engaging in it or abstaining from it.
 I believe that being a God-fearing, spirit-filled, tongue-speaking Christian and having a passionate fulfilling sexual marriage do not have to be two concepts that are mutually exclusive. Why it is that hot, passionate, exciting and steamy are not words that are used to describe sex in marriage, especially Christian marriages? Why do we, women, view sex as one of our chores and something to be endured to keep our husbands from straying? Is there an unspoken rule that women are not allowed to enjoy sex or even if they do to keep it hidden?

For many years I struggled with my own sexuality because, like many women, I was made to believe that the purpose of sex was to make babies and it’s something you were obligated to give your husband

  When I got married I didn’t know the true purpose of sex or that it was quite alright for me to enjoy it and show him that I did. I still saw it as something purely for my husband’s enjoyment. I also used to think, after each time my husband and I made love, “that should keep him off my back for a few days”. I treated it like chore and did it out of obligation. I didn’t enjoy it and would spend most of the session thinking “are you done yet?”

After a very rough patch in our marriage I decided that I was going to enjoy every single part of my life with no apologies or regrets. So instead of looking at my husband and thinking there was something wrong with him, because, in my mind I thought it was abnormal for someone to want so much sex?, I adopted the attitude of if you can’t beat them, join them. So instead of suppressing my sexual side that always wanted to tell my husband where and how I wanted, needed to be touched in bed, that part of me that wanted to go and whisper in his ear when he’s with his friends that I desired him and couldn’t wait for us to be alone, I would just embrace her. I decided that I was going to match his enthusiasm where sex is concerned.

This decision changed everything. I became a very different person and my marriage became unrecognisable. I had a total makeover both physically and psychologically and I became more confident and very aware of the power of my sexuality. I felt great on the inside and that translated to the outside.

However although I wanted to match my husband’s sexual enthusiasm, I didn’t know how to. I had repressed my sexuality for so long that I didn’t know how to embrace it.  So after a marriage seminar where a preacher suggested that perhaps we married Christian women have something to learn from the adulteress. She suggested that we discover why she is able to lure men and keep them coming back for more? Why is it that when she enters a room all the men (even spirit-filled and tongue speaking men) turn, look at her and admire her and the women, even though they hide it well, are filled with envy because they secretly want to be able to command that kind of attention every time they enter a room especially from her husband. It certainly is not because of her excellent cooking skills, impeccable etiquette or brains. It is because she is confident and comfortable with who she is, she knows the power of her sexuality and makes no apologies for using it. She works at keeping herself attractive and desirable. She knows how to please her men so they keep coming back.

So I took my newly liberated sexuality to the church bookstore for tips on how to keep my sex life exciting, or more specifically the secrets of the adulteress. There were lots of books about being a virtuous woman and what a woman’s role is in marriage. They all advised to keep your sex life exciting and having regular date nights but they do not really talk about the sex part in great detail.  So I had to look elsewhere outside the church, mostly online. This got me thinking about how many other women in the church were in the same boat as I was, married and looking to improve their sex life but have to look in Non-Christian shops for tools to help them.

 I can't help wondering, the 'world' as Christians like to call them have all these tools to help them make their sex lives more interesting and add spice to their relationship but such tools are not readily available to the average Christian especially those in Africa.

The answer is not always more sex but better quality and exciting sex.

 Now been married 10years and I tell you the books I got off amazon revolutionised our sex life. It had such a huge impact on our marriage that I wondered why that area had not been addressed in our places of worship. I am not a huge fan of fifty shades of grey, I think it’s a joke of a book and film, but I can understand its attractiveness and I have to confess we (my hubby and I) saw the movie and to be honest we did picked up a few very interesting tips. that we are looking forward to trying out. 

 © June's Secrets 2015

What has your experience been????