Trust Me You Don't Know What He's Really Thinking!!!!!

I heard a preacher once say that if you want to really know what a person is thinking wait until they are angry.

I always tell Seyi that he talks a lot but he doesn't really say much. He talks about everything, the weather, politics, the children, in-laws and outlaws but never about what is going on in his mind, his hurts, worries or even just crazy thoughts that come into his head (we all get at least one per day), like he did when we first started dating. But when we get into an argument, bam, it all comes pouring out. And this really scatters my body.

I get things like "you know that dress you wore to church on Sunday, I didn't like it, it looked like a freaking curtain and whilst we're on the subject I don't like that your makeup (that I've been wearing for a year now o) it makes you look two shades darker and when are you going to get a wax girl it's like sambisa forest  down there, I mean you can braid it" And I'm stood there in shock thinking kai so this na wetin this guy dey carry for mind since, ha na wa o? Why didn’t he even say anything all this time and more to the point (this is what really ticks me off) I thought was sharp but I didn’t even pick up on all this. I always thought I could read him like a book (Hian, I wonder what else I’m missing). He always apologises afterwards but it still doesn't explain why he doesn't just say how he feels in normal conversations, why he only truly expresses himself in an argument. I know what you're thinking, maybe I don't make him feel like he can. And you’re probably half right.

I keep expecting my husband to react to situations like I or one of my girlfriends would but he's a different species entirely. And don't just volunteer information about their feelings, they have to be probed specifically for information in an environment where they feel safe. Don’t just assume that your husband will automatically feel 'safe' to share his deepest thoughts with you. You have to make him feel safe by telling him that he is and that there won't be a price to pay for his honesty. Then you must follow through, don't act like a heffa after you've told him he's safe just because you didn't like what he said, take it like a big girl. Just to be clear by acting like a heffa I mean insult him and his mother or point out his own faults or be moody or stop talking to him or my personal favourite withhold sex ( guilty as charged, I'm still a work in progress).

 The way you ask the question will determine the answer you get. Don’t drop hints, just ask directly what you want to know, for example like say  "babe do you think this lipstick is too dark/light for me?" as opposed to "babe how do I look in this lipstick".

Also if you really want the truth say this "babe when you open up to me emotionally, it really turns me on" but then you have to follow through and rock his world.

In conclusion, just as women can keep secrets so can men and don’t be over confident or rely completely in your ability to read him like a book because, like me, you will definitely miss a few things.

Copyright June’s Secrets 2015