From one child born out of wedlock to another with love xxxx

Dear Sister,

Born-out-of-wedlock, bastard, illegitimate one the oldest insults designed to make you feel ashamed, dirty and worthless. Like you don't belong anywhere, like you are a mistake and should hide your head in shame. Some people have used these words to describe me to try and break me and put me down. But I have learnt that if you have already accepted your flaws then no one can use them against you.

My parents were never married, my sister and I are the product of what I would like to call 'a lapse-in-judgment', whilst I went through my childhood not even noticing that I was illegitimate my adulthood was a completely different story. Everything was ok until I wanted to get married. Come and see drama. Organising how to gather all parties together for the introduction was a humongous fete in itself because my mother wanted to take the lead role and have my father there as a guest which didn't go down well with him because 'it's a man that gives out a child'.  My father always tried to do right by us but his relationship with my mother was very difficult. Anyway a story for another time.

Fast forward a few years and there was drama in the family ( another story for another time) and my children and I  were attacked by certain members of the family ( not dropping any names) I was called a bastard repeatedly among other things but a bastard a lot more it was like they were really trying to rub it in and hurt me deeply. It got me thinking. I had never given my parentage much thought and if I am honest I still don't  but perhaps I should. In my world that had never been used as a determining factor for anything by anyone, or maybe it had and I just hadn't noticed. I knew I didn't have a conventional family but I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything, I mean you can't miss what you never had right?

I know there are many products of lapse-in-judgement out there but I wonder how many of them like me had been insulted based on their parentage. And how many were constantly reminded and  made to feel ashamed of their beginning. Hence the reason why I am writing this, to reach out to them. I also looked up fellow 'lapse-in-judgement' products that had broken through and made their mark on the world despite their beginning and people thinking them worthless because of it. 

Oprah Winfrey came into this world out of wedlock to a teenage mum, she was raped at nine and pregnant at 14 but I am pretty sure no one is using that word to describe her today. James Robison, a famous televangelist, revealed that he is the product of rape ( and I thought I had problems) and today he is a blessing to the world. There is also Tyler Perry one of the most successful tv producers to date, his parents were married, that is until he found out his dad wasn't his dad. Not sure how that made him feel considering the fact that the guy used to beat the crap out of him and he had to run away from home just to get away from the beatings, not sure if he ever found out who his real dad is but he was born out of wedlock. Others include George Foreman, Shaquille O'Neal, Booker T Washington, Jesse Jackson, Evita Peron, Tobey Maguire, Billie Holiday, Will I am ( never even knew his dad) And Steve Jobs.

 This is my conclusion on the matter. Your beginning is the bus stop through which you came into this world and no one lives in a bus stop by choice, well except crazy people, no normal person does.  I am proud of my family and I am more than ok with it the way it is dysfunctional, unconventional and all because the dysfunctionality and unconventionality  has made me who I am today. I don't think I would be as bold and confident as I am now without the sort of upbringing I had. Looking back now, knowing what I know now, I do not wish my parents were married, I actually believe they made better parents apart than they would have been together.  I also do not wish they were different people, if reincarnation was real and I could choose, I would choose my parents again, they have their flaws but they are great people and I love them so much. Plus I know people close to me from a conventional family whose homes put the dys in dysfunction.  (another story for another time)

So from one illegitimate child to another, accept  and embrace the flaws you cannot change knowing that they do not define you and you can use them as a stepping to get to the next level. Wear your
scars well because no great warrior became great without getting any, just look at Jesus. Anyone who tries to use your parentage to put you down is ignorant and has a questionable upbringing and deserves your pity not your attention.

Yours with love
A great warrior
 © June's Secrets 2015